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I began letting go of the life I had created and the mindset I had been born into in 2016 and I took the deep dive into my shadow work consciously in 2020. It has taken me years, but it has been the absolute most rewarding thing I have ever done for myself and all those around me. When you fix you, it tends to radiate out to others like the sun on a cloudy day. I made the choice to heal myself for those around me and I am sooo glad I did!! My family has never been healthier and neither have I.
When 2016 started I was at my absolute lowest point mentally, physically and emotionally. I was 30 years old, and I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I smoked at least a pack a day and drank only coffee or diet mountain dew. I barely ate and when I did eat it was never healthy. I worked nights and stayed awake with my little one during the day, so we didn't have to pay daycare. I had periods of suicidal thoughts, and I just couldn't seem to get my shit together. I had created a life that was purely based on my mental thoughts of lack, negativity, self-sabotage and pure co-dependency. I was a wife, mother and I worked as a CNA in a nursing home taking care of the elderly. I was a prisoner of my mindset and a caretaker of all but me.
Halfway through 2016 we made a move
... a big one! We decided to move 16 hours away to the mountains where we had never been. We had family there and we knew that we had to make big changes in our lives in order to make it better. Nothing changes if nothing changes was my new mentality. So, I got a new job there, we secured housing and off we went on an adventure of a lifetime. I drove for 24 hours straight on the longest trip of my life. I had been known for driving on long road trips and I did it often. When I first drove into the mountains it was dark and all I could see were the huge mountain roads ahead and hear the water we drove next to. I will never forget the view though as the sun finally peaked. It was breathtaking and I couldn't look away. I knew right then my problems were nothing compared to the world we live in. I felt so tiny in comparison to the majestic beauty I had the pleasure to be standing in. It was life changing.
I remember it took 3 months after we moved for the buzzing in my ears to stop. It was a humbling reminder of the stress I had put my mind and body through, and it was the reason I was here. To finally start over... whatever that meant. I was willing to try anything to feel better and to start to live a life I at least liked. This seemed like an amazing start. Things settled down and we found a new normal. It was a chance to finally start changing my mindset from stressed to blessed. That was all that was needed for everything to start to change even if I couldn't see it at first. I had finally taken a left where I would always take a right. I couldn't always see when I was being offered a chance to make a new choice until now. I made many more new choices in the 4 years I had the opportunity to live in the mountains.
Some of the biggest changes were that I had quit smoking and I had mentally got it together long enough to get off of my anxiety and depression medication! That was such a huge accomplishment for me because I had set the intent when I moved to find a happiness inside of myself that I didn't need to supplement with meds anymore. I just wanted to be so happy! So, I had to let go of anything that made me feel bad. I began exercising and journaling again. I went for long hikes and bike rides again. I even started a food journal to see in my own words how the foods I ate made me feel. I felt SO MUCH BETTER! But I had to address my co-dependency, limiting beliefs that reminded me I still had work to do, along with my kids who I realized were like tiny mirrors showing us everything we never wanted them to see. It was a start but not a promise. I had many setbacks and I've shed many layers in the years and I have come to profound awareness of myself. I was never doing this for anyone but myself because without me I couldn't be there for anyone. I could not be the example I wanted to be for my kids if I didn't fully embody who that person was. So, the healing continued.
In 2020 we moved again and had to completely start over. The pandemic brought many new things and one of them was a complete uprooting of every aspect of our lives. We moved 24 hours away this time back to where I was born. I didn't realize it then, but it ended up being a time for me to review my childhood and every belief I thought I had. It challenged every relationship and memory, and it forced me to make huge life changing decisions about the relationships I had and what no longer fit. It also gave me an opportunity to see where I had grown already in my mental body and how much I could celebrate in the years that had passed. I had found gratitude for myself and my day-to-day life. What a blessing! We stayed only a year and a half and HUGE changes happened in that time. There was loss, forced realizations, tears, and ultimately healing. We then moved again in 2022 and came full circle just before our 10th wedding anniversary.
The lessons that I have had the blessed awareness to learn have helped me to shed so much in the few years I have been conscious enough to make them that I have to share them! I refuse to believe we live this life to suffer and to stay stuck. We always have the opportunity to make new choices and change our story. I did. I am now a proud business owner and living the life I have set out to live. I am able to wake up and love my every day because I choose to. Nothing is worth holding onto and I would love to be your example. Each new day is a new opportunity to make a new choice. That is the beauty of life. Yet so many of us will choose to stay stuck. Don't let that be you! Let this be your opportunity to make a new choice and take on chance on YOU!! You are worth it and when you are comfortable with who you are nobody can make you feel bad. Your here because your worth it. Let me help you begin a new journey today!!
My Mastering Mindset course opens November 1st and I'm only allowing in 10 members! In this course you get a one on one in depth interactive session with me where we begin to identify where you are specifically being called to in your healing journey along with weekly tapping sessions, weekly zoom meetings with the community for connection in healing as well as a weekly yoga and breathwork session!! Be sure to book your spot ASAP before it sells out! I can't wait to see you there and help you begin your journey!